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Handling racist father in law...
 mixed_marriage - (opaloctober)
05:55pm 19/06/2010
C:\\World\Crap\Kristina.exe posting in MultiCultural Unions!
Has anyone else had to go through this? I am multiracial, my fiance is white. My fiance and I have been toghether 6 years this august. When we first got toghether, my family was great about us being toghether, and so was his mom's side of the family. Now, even before his father and his grama on his dad's side met me, they had a conversation on my fiance's porch and told him that they would disown him, etc, and continued to degrade and talk about me like I couldn't hear when I was sitting on his couch listening to everything that was being said. Since then, his grama has become nicer and nicer to me, and finally told my fiance that as long as he was happy with me that was all that mattered, and that I was a nice girl. I am welcome in her home, get christmas gifts from them every year, and they (his grandparents) treat me like a human.
His father told him that "it would be okay if you were just screwing her but if you bring her home we're gonna have issues"...that was 5 1/2 years ago. We had a daughter toghether who passed away before she was born, and after she was born, he said, "well don't bring any of your mongrel children home to me..."...i've since had two more losses and we're trying to get pregnant again. I wonder what he'll say next. It's almost become a game to me.
The other day, I went to his house with my fiance while he ran some errands, and after I went into his house to use the restroom (i was sitting in the car for over 2 hours until then, I just couldn't hold it anymore; I knew I wasn't allowed in) in front of company, he told Mark that I was no longer allowed on his property OR in his house, even if I did just sit in the car...nice. Mark can pick through my mother's Christmas ham in her oven on Christmas Eve (she thought it was funny and made a joke out of it when she caught him stealing pieces of her ham and we all still laugh at it), but I can't use his dad's restroom on a regular day. I have bent over backwards and been as nice, and respectful as I could to this man and he insists on being as evil as he can to me, and my children. I don't understand how someone can be so...hateful. I'm out of options and i'm almost done being nice to this man. I've decided that he isn't invited to my wedding either. My fiance and I are getting married this August, and our wedding will be on our anniversary NEXT year, and I really, really, don't even want him to come- IF he decides he will come. Last time Mark brought it up, he said no. Wasn't comming to his only son's-only CHILD's wedding. Well, no sweat off my back, he may just make the entire event miserable anyway. I really try to not stoop to his level and fight hate with hate, but after all these years being treated lower than dirt by this man, it's hard. I really hope karma comes back to bite him in the ass.
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(no subject)
08:28pm 23/06/2010 (UTC)
Hey I am so sorry to hear about this awful father-in-law. Honestly, doesn't he realize the world doesn't have room for that kind of hate anymore?
I must give you major praise for not having already stooped to his level. I doubt I would still be able to be nice to him after all these years of hate.
My husband told me something once that saved me from a world of pent up anger: "You have to forgive other people of their ignorances. You can't change how they are going to think"

You can not change how this man is going to think of you. You cannot change how he is going to treat you. You can only change how you will deal with him. And your fiance, how your fiance will deal with him. You should not invite anyone to your wedding who does not respect you.
You and your fiance are a beautiful couple - you look really happy in your icon pic. I wish you all the best in getting pregnant!!
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